Am l alone?poetry, journalings and ramblings of the very alone
allalone26
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Name: Kay
Location: Florida, United States


Interests: life, poetry, the world around me, dark shadows lurking behind me, people...
Expertise: scar control...
Occupation: Research and development
Industry: Medical


Message: message me
Website: visit my website


Member Since: 3/27/2004

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*Cutting the Pain Away*
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Lately I've been wanderingoff the narrow path
You’ve given me so many things that I've never had
And all in all I know it's you that always pulls me through
If you reach deep inside you’ll see my heart is true
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice 
The world I know is pulling me
More and more each day I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray
Spiteful eyes are watching me
With everything I do
In the midst of darkness Lord My spirit calls for you
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice 
You know sometimes Deep inside I feel like this
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice ‘
Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice
             ~K~ †


Wednesday, November 16, 2005

No I'm not dead...just busy trying to stay alive. Things are just weird here. I don't know how to describe it. I don't have much time to write because I'm still at work and need to finish paperwork.

My friend back home had a baby girl on Nov 9 by c-section. Ella Sophia was born at 7:53am 7lbs 2oz and 19 inches long. She has dark brown hair and bright blue eyes~ she's beautiful!! I haven't been able to get home yet with all that I need to get done here... but I will be there for Thanksgiving. A little late to share the moment with her but better late then never.

Well best go and get my stuff done.

Love ya †


Sunday, June 05, 2005

Hi to all!! Sorry its been sooo long, I guess I just got caught up in life. Some days are good well others are a constant struggle to survive.

Work has been very busy.

And for all you that know my bestfriend, M, she's having another baby~ hoping for a girl. She's due Nov 20. So I will be going back home to be with her and help her out for a few weeks as soon as I know when the c-section is scheduled. I'm so excited to be a part of this!!

Well best close for know promised her I would call.

Love to all! †


Monday, March 21, 2005

I too saw it last night. There were parts of the show that were triggering for me, so I had a hard time, especially seeing the blood. I thought she was way too calm during the intervention, I know that there is no way that I could have sat through it like she did and listen to the people I love say those things. She didn't even fight the treatment! There are days that I wish I could say it had been 200 days since the last time I cut...I'm lucky right now to make it 24 hours. I wonder now that this has aired how many cutters are going to end up going through an intervention because friends and family are going to think that its the right thing to do. I don't believe that there is any one "right" way to deal with this disease, I feel it all depends on the cutter and what they feel they need or want.

It shouldn't be pushed on us to take treatment, from personal experience I know that when I was pushed into a corner I cut more and more to try and control the situation and ended up hating several friends who thought they were doing what was "right" for me. I just hope that because of this show I am not going to be treated any more different then I was before.

Take care!!


Sunday, January 23, 2005



Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosis: General Anxiety Disorder. Excessive anxiety or worry occurring more days than not over a significant period of time. These worries can be associated with a number of events or activities. In addition, the individual finds it difficult to control the worry. Can be marked by physical signs of tension, hyperactivity, and lack of ability to respond in a positive or productive manner to problems or difficulties as they arise.



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A Cutter's World
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